MB Civic

http://www.commondreams.org/views06/1220-31.htm

Some helpful suggestions for the Heartland…

First up: Campers are supposed to leave a place in the same condition or better than they found it. In Iraq, that same principle means that it falls to us to set up a stable government. Given the sectarian divisions and dozens of armed militias, only a strongman–a brutal, despotic dictator–will be able to pull Iraq back together. Only one man has the experience for the job: Saddam Hussein. We have to put the Butcher of Baghdad back in charge (and promise not to overthrow him anymore.) And let’s be quick–the dude could get executed or murdered any second.

Next: those 600,000 dead people. We can’t bring them back. But we can replace them. The fairest solution is to hold a national lottery to randomly select 600,000 Americans, who will be trained in local culture, languages and mores before being shipped off to live out the remainder of their lives as replacement Iraqis. With our 300 million-plus population, it’s not like we’ll notice they’re gone. It’s the least we can do, and hopefully the Iraqis will appreciate our sincere gesture.

Unfortunately, several thousand of the new American-Iraqis will have to submit to torture, rape and murder. After all, we must atone for Abu Ghraib.

Got it?