[Mb-civic] Cheeseburger Gazette Endorses Daffy Duck For President

[Cheeseburger Gazette]

Cheeseburger Gazette Endorses Daffy Duck For President



"Yes, Mr. Duck, may I call you Daffy...?"

"Quack quack..."

"Thank you, allright, now we see you are running for President as a 
write-in candidate, we'd like to ask you a few questions.  What is your 
stance on Education in America...?"

"Quack quack..."

"Well, ok, that does make better sense than both major candidates running 
have brought up in their incessant lying about actually having a real 
solution to Americans remaining some of the worst educated people on the 
planet.  I will have to agree with your one point there that administrators 
of schools should be paid no more than the highest paid teacher, and that 
all teachers should be able to at least pass a literacy test and a criminal 
background check, and that textbook creators should stop altering actual 
Historic Fact.  As far as stopping golf-putting greens from being installed 
on school campuses, I guess we'll just have to let the voters decide on 
that one.  Let's turn now to the budget deficit.  How would you fix that...?"

"Quack quack..."

"Ok, that blows both the Republican and Democrat plans out of the 
water.  Amazing.  Restructuring and redefining the entire corporate world 
into an instrument to serve the people rather than sucking off the 
livelihood of them incessantly as they turn their world to crap in the 
process is a little bold, but we'll accept your answer as neither other 
major candidate has come up with anything other than blowing smoke out of 
their *sses.  And, yes, I agree, if a corporation bilks Americans out of 
millions and billions of dollars, at least one CEO now and then should do 
Hard Time at a High Security Prison in America.  Yes, that would certainly 
at least be a beginning to curtailing mass ripoffs of the Public at the 
higher echelons of the corporate world.  Turning now to Iraq and The Middle 
East.  What are your thoughts and strategy on that...?"

"Quack quack..."

"I see.  Don't you think such a position of honesty on those matters might 
hinder your chances of election..?"

"Quack quack..."

"Oh, ok, I see, you're trying to make the world a better place to live, not 
win a popularity contest.  But surely, Daffy, you realize that winning the 
Presidency comes basically down to a popularity contest, and that in major 
American elections such things as Lies, Discrepancies, and Misdirections 
will reach a  larger portion of voters than the actual Truth...?"

"Quack quack..."

"Ahh, ok, you think that the time for becoming part of the bullshit in 
order to be able to even coerce the brainwashed public mildly in the 
direction of a candidate is over, and you don't mind squandering your 
chances of being elected if the actual Truth can at least surface for at 
least a few minutes on MTV or somewhere..."

"Quack quack..."

"Ok, let's move on.  The Supreme Court, what are your thoughts on that...?"

"Quack quack..."

"Look at your butt..?  I'm sorry, I don't understand..."

"Quack quack..."

"Ah, ok, there are several feathers missing.  How does that tie into the 
Supreme Court and their sacrificing of the Constitution for personal 
political and business interests...?"

"Quack quack..."

"Ok, I see, 'Two Words:  Cheney and Scalia'...  They did that to 
you...?  From a duck blind...?"

"Quack..."

"Ah, I see...  Allright, moving along, let's approach Global Warming and 
the Israeli-Palestinian problem..."

"Quack quack..."

"F*ck both of those problems, if the other 2 major candidates won't address 
them in Public then why should you bother either...?"

"Quack..."

"Ah, ok.  Well...  They're minor inconsequential matters anyway, so we'll 
just move on...  Give us, if you will, your thoughts on the price of gas at 
the pumps in America..."

"Quack...."

"F*ck the c*cks*ck*rs, they should be boiled in the oil and chained to a 
fire hydrant in every town square of America...?"

"Quack......"

"Ok, I see...  I'll have to agree with that one.  Allright, now we turn to 
religion's growing influence on the political world, what are your thoughts 
on that...?"

"Quack...  quack, quack...  quack...."

"Ahh...  That's a little drastic, don't you think...?"

"Quack..."

"Ok, hmmm, well, tearing down all the multi-million dollar etc churches, 
mosques, temples, etc, and selling all the materials to buy food and 
shelter for the poor and needy doesn't seem like that bad of an idea, but I 
doubt if various congregations of various religions around the world are 
going to like the idea of having to worship in a tent, even though their 
sacrifice helped millions of suffering peoples around the earth..."

"Quack quack..."

"Ah, I see, you worship in the middle of a pond and you and God get along 
just fine...."

"Quack......."

"Ok, let me ask you this, what are your thoughts on the actions of both the 
Republican controlled Senate and House of Congress....?"

"Quack quack..."

"Really...?  Their egos long ago superceded their basic humanity...?  And 
they should be taken out on the White House lawn and forced to eat dog sh*t 
from whatever dog is currently residing in the White House...?  And then 
shot on the White House lawn by the GAO as Traitors to America, the World, 
and Humanity...?"

"Quack quack quack...."

"Allright, I see, ok, let's approach a sticky subject, gay people..."

"Quack...  quack.  Quack, quack quack... quack..."

"Oh really....?"

"Quack...."

"So, you've been dating Dick Cheney's daughter on the side for years and 
you've both had a wonderful time and she still can't figure out whether 
you're a male or a female.....?"

"Quack..."

"Well, heh, allright, we'll accept your answer, even though it is rather 
brief, it does clarify various things that neither major candidate dare 
bring up to the American public.  In closing, I just have to briefly ask 
you your stance on whether or not Civil Liberties are or are not being 
eroded in America as we speak...."

"Quack...  Quack quack quack....  Quack quack....

"Oh, really....?"

"Quack....."

"So you really think most politicians should have a five minute trial and 
then hanged from a tree on the White House lawn...?"

"Quack...."

"But you are a politician also, Daffy, don't you have some concerns that 
you also would be included in that solution....?"

"Quack......."

"Ah, I see, if God had wanted you to hang from a tree on the White House 
lawn for deceiving, cheating, and murdering the American Public and their 
Environment Century after Century, he wouldn't have given you wings...."

"Quack...."

"Well, Daffy, it certainly has been enlightening, we thank you for your 
time, and wish you the best in the upcoming election...."

"Quack quack....."


In the face that both major candidates in this year's Presidential 
Elections have not come forth with almost anything as truthful, solid, or 
even just mildly logically interesting than Mr. Duck, we here at The 
Cheeseburger Gazette are throwing our full support overwhelmingly behind 
Daffy Duck for President of The United States of America as a write-in 
candidate.

In the highly unlikely event that either or both of the current major 
candidates ever rise above the deceit, lies, and sludge that has dominated 
both major political parties in America for just about forever, we might 
change our minds, but almost just a week away from the Election, it appears 
highly unlikely that either candidate will somehow suddenly morph into a 
real human that either really gives a crap about Real Americans or has the 
actual power to improve their lot in Life.

Good luck, America, and godspeed, you are obviously going to need it.




The Cheeseburger Gazette

- Where has America gone now that we need its song.


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