Pope Joan
Scene 2
July 2 --Feast of the Visitation. This feast recalls Mary's visit to her cousin,Elizabeth,
especially the sanctification of St. John the Baptist in his mother's womb
SETTING: LOUIS'
bedroom at Aix-la-Chapelle (now, Aachen, Germany).
AT RISE:
Lights rise. The bed is large and ornate, piled with blankets
and animal skins. JOAN kneels downstage of the bed where LOUIS lies.
LOUIS
Bless me, Brother John, for I have sinned.
JOAN
Not now, my Lord.
LOUIS
I harbor thoughts of a most lustful and carnal nature regarding one who
is close to me.
JOAN
Pray clothe yourself! It is unseemly to speak of such things.
LOUIS
(taking HER hand)
As you are my confessor, it is your duty to know the blackest desires of
my heart.
JOAN
But only if you repent of them.
LOUIS
Then release me. Humbly I beg for the privilege of a penance.
JOAN
Then have you acted upon these desires?
LOUIS
Repeatedly. Have you forgotten already?
JOAN
Stop.
LOUIS
I thought you liked our little game, JOAN.
(touching HER garment)
Was it not thus that I first discovered your secret?
JOAN
(pushing HIM away)
Enough.
(HE grabs the arm SHE uses to push HIM away. SHE parries and
THEY begin to wrestle, falling to the ground. SHE ends up on top of HIM,
pinning HIM.)
Concede?
LOUIS
I am bested, JOAN. Claim your prize.
JOAN
Scoundrel.
(SHE raises HIS face to HERS and kisses HIM passionately. HE uses
THEIR embrace to continue THEIR wrestling match. The next lines are
spoken as THEY tussle.)
LOUIS
What heaven, JOAN, that you should have learned to wrestle like
such a man!
JOAN
How else could I keep my brothers in the monastery at bay?
(LOUIS has now pinned HER.)
LOUIS
Then let us be brothers. Late at night, I am the young acolyte, come
creeping into your bed, seeking warmth in the dark. Blessed art thou
among women ...
(THEY begin to kiss, pulling off EACH OTHER's clothes. When
JOAN is nearly undressed, MARTINE enters, addressing THEM
through an "invisible" door.)
MARTINE
My Lord, you must awake!
JOAN
MARTINE! (looking around frantically)
Where to hide?
MARTINE
My Lord?
LOUIS
(to JOAN, as HE raises the covers)
Here!
(JOAN scurries under the blankets.)
MARTINE
(more impatient)
My Lord!
(Tired of waiting, SHE enters.)
LOUIS
This had best be urgent, MARTINE.
MARTINE
There is news from Rome. The pope is dead.
LOUIS
God rest his soul.
MARTINE
Amen! Will you then to Rome?
LOUIS
With all speed! We must arrive before a new pope is elected.
MARTINE
HmmphHmmph! So like your father. Poor man -- the years he spent trying
to get the pope to crown him Holy Roman Emperor and never succeeding.
LOUIS
I am not my father. It's so simple: the pope appoints the Holy Roman
Emperor. If the pope is my man, he shall crown me without delay. And
then I shall be the greatest power in Europe. A pity my mother did not
live to see that day.
MARTINE
I'll see your company prepared.
LOUIS
Do. And send for my confessor, Brother John.
(pulling up the covers to reveal JOAN)
Why look -- you needn't bother!
MARTINE
Brother John! To think that I should live to see the day ...
LOUIS
That could easily be remedied, old woman.
(to JOAN)
It was rather rude of my mother to die and leave me in the care of a
servant, don't you think?
MARTINE
What a mess I've made of you! Your poor mother, on her deathbed, charged
me to care for you and ...
LOUIS
Get out. And knock next time.
(MARTINE exits.)
JOAN
Was that necessary?
LOUIS
No. But it was amusing.
(JOAN guiltily begins to gather HER scattered clothes.)
JOAN, you are such a priest! So quick to piss upon your pleasure with
prayers and guilt.
JOAN
You'd be none the worse to spend some time on your knees.
LOUIS
I kneel only for priests, popes and pretty boys.
JOAN
You knelt to me once that first day at court.
LOUIS
You qualified on two counts. Or so I believed.
JOAN
You knew from the start, didn't you?
LOUIS
I suspected. Either way, a pleasure. Like a gift, the unwrapping was
half the delight.
JOAN
And what if I had refused you?
LOUIS
I would have still said ... nothing. Quite curious, what you elicit from me.
JOAN
And you from me. But we must be doubly careful in Rome.
LOUIS
We? You would accompany me?
JOAN
I must.
LOUIS
You must? Perhaps ... yes. Be my eyes and ears among the other priests.
That could be very useful.
JOAN
That is not why I must go.
LOUIS
What else could you possibly have to do? There are priests enough in
Rome, I assure you.
JOAN
Over and over in prayer, the Holy Ghost reminds me of Christ's words:
"Go sell all that you have and give it to the poor."
LOUIS
But you have nothing.
JOAN
Yes, LOUIS, but it is my mission to inspire those who do.
LOUIS
The crown of France is not a charitable institution.
JOAN
Be assured, LOUIS, no one would mistake you for one.
LOUIS
Amen.
JOAN
However, the Holy Father commands untold riches.
LOUIS
Very well, JOAN. Do the work of the Holy Ghost, if you must, so
long as you do it after mine.
JOAN
As you will.
LOUIS
What better reason to have a priest in constant attendance than to be
seeing to my salvation? And in truth, I cannot resist seeing you there
in Saint Peter's, receiving my rather lengthy and shocking litany of
confessions.
JOAN
Blasphemous.
LOUIS
Sings My Priest
(During the song, LOUIS has removed most of the garments JOAN
had put back on. By the end of the song, JOAN is facing him, naked from
the waist up, HER back turned downstage. HE takes the cross which hangs
on a chain between HER breasts and moves it so the cross hangs down HER
back, visible to the audience.)
(End of Scene 2)
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The Original Version of this Scene