MB Civic

Honestly, why?Such a deeply, deeply philosophical question. And yet so frequently asked as to be nearly universal.

There are a multitude of reasons why people are so stupid, which partly explains stupidity’s enduring popularity as an abundant element of the universe. So we’ll list ’em, scientifically, and in no particular order.

Reason #1: Stupidity works. You may or may not have noticed this, but humans are a rapidly growing element of earth’s ecosystem. Since humanity’s hardscrabble beginnings many thousands of years ago, all the way to the sophisticated complexity of today’s sprawling mass of Other People, the human population on earth has been growing.

Not consistently, not steadily, but relentlessly nonetheless. As species go, we are currently jaw-droppingly successful. In other words, there are more and more of us all the fucking time.

Stupidity has not hurt us one bit. We were stupid a long time ago, we are still stupid, and yet we continue to reproduce enormously successfully. Whether or not you are pleased with this turn of events I leave to you, but the underlying moral is clear:

Stupidity does not hamper reproduction! Stupid people breed. Stupidity may in fact help our ability to reproduce quite a bit. Anyone who has ever gotten married, had children and later wondered – why did I do that anyway?

Oh yeah, that’s right, I was really stupid – can attest to the helpful effects of stupidity on the mating, dating, and attraction process. Not thinking clearly is very helpful in making the whole mystery of chemical attraction seem worth pursuing.

On the other hand, thinking too clearly and being too smart or too sensible can really, really fuck it up.

Thinking too much can badly inhibit the bonding process. The bonding process, which is essential for human survival, doesn’t give a damn about what we think of as smartness, it cares about irrationality and chemicals, both of which it highly values.

None of us would put up with each other for a moment if it weren’t for the saving graces of stupidity and bonding. People occasionally and naturally get very confused about this, because they are taught to think that what makes us successful as a species is our intelligence. We think we rule the earth because we are smart.

We do not rule the earth, and evolution does not select for smartness, it selects for survival. Cockroaches rule the earth and they are smart enough not to think it’s because they have big brains. This is not to say we aren’t intelligent as a species, in fact, we are.

But we are intelligent for a reason. Or actually a couple. One reason is that we are designed to be modular, adaptable to a wide variety of climates and environmental conditions from Alaska to the Congo. But so are a lot of other species, and they don’t run around inventing indoor plumbing.

The other reason is that we have to get along with each other to survive. Again, we are not the only species like this – bees have to get along with each other too. But you combine our modularity with our need to get along and you get culture.

Or a system in which individuals of the species can be born into any of a huge variety of cultures, none of which the organism can predict before its born, and the poor organism has to develop a big brain of a certain kind just to figure out what the fuck is going on and how it has to act to survive in its particular environment. Combine this with two other factors – language, which was probably an evolutionary accident (whoah, get a load of this!) and which creates many complications, and lack of bodily defenses like fur and claws – you’ve got something more or less resembling a human being.

It’s this desperate need to get along with each other under unpredictable circumstances that makes us invent indoor plumbing and freeway systems and astrophysics. We have to fucking cooperate with each other to survive the elements and each other and so we turn a large portion of our efforts toward smartness. We don’t have fur and we get cold peeing outside, so we invent plumbing. We don’t have claws, so we invent arrows and guns.

We need to keep in contact with each other so we invent freeways, so we can zip around meeting each other in various places. We might need astrophysics to keep asteroids from zooming into us. We have to figure out how the fuck to get along with each other, so we invent laws, and philosophy, and literature, and justice, and commerce and a whole bunch of other stuff. We do all this smart shit to survive, not because God loves smart shit. Roses don’t act all that smart, but there’s nothing to indicate God doesn’t love them.

We’re smart because it’s complicated being modular and social and defenseless and chatty. You need a big brain just to deal with all the fucking possibilities. Which is exactly what our brains are designed to do. Being smart doesn’t make us human – being human made us smart.

All this emphasis on smartness might seem out of place in a rant on stupidity – but I bring it up for two reasons. One is the surprise factor. It’s the fact that we’re smart that makes us so wide-eyed with astonishment and anger when we realize how stupid we are – we expect better from ourselves – but that’s only because we’re stupid.

Our chatty defenseless modular sociability forced us to develop social brains to keep track of all the madness, and it is the social brain that thinks we’re really smart. It values intelligence for its ability to come up with polio vaccines and electric lighting. Ironically, however, your social brain, the one that is patting you on the back for being smarter than everyone else – is also the part of your brain specifically designed to be incredibly fucking stupid.

The other parts of your brain can’t ignore reality, because they rely on it, sensory input, information about blood flow and volume and pressure and digestive juices, and hunger and fatigue and cold, and so on. Your social brain on the other hand, relies on Other People instead of reality, which inclines your Social Brain to dramatic outbursts of complete fucking idiocy.

Let’s take an example. Wearing ties might be pretty fucking stupid, but a number of people have worn them over the years. Tying a knot around your neck might not seem like the best way to convince God that you’re a smart species, but it’s not by far the stupidest fashion idea any culture has ever come up with.

There’s always been heavy competition in that category (hey, how about we all stick a bone through our nose!). But the Social Brain, the one that encouraged us to build the automobile, will seize upon something like a tie, as if it was just as good an idea as Advil (which it wasn’t by the way, Advil is one of the best ideas anybody has ever come up with, period).

Because the Social Brain reasons like this, ‘I don’t know why everybody around you is wearing ties to work, but if you want to survive this mess of a culture you got yourself into, you damn well better wear one too.’ And it will reward you immensely if someone says ‘nice tie!’

Even though you are just as glad when you get a different job and never ever have to fucking wear one again. Stupid as ties are, they do not interfere with your ability to reproduce, tie-wearing people breed. In fact, if everyone in your goddamn environment is wearing one, then not having one, or having a crappy one can hurt your ability to breed. Because people will say to themselves, what the fuck is wrong with that guy?

Doesn’t he know how to dress? And they will think you are socially defective, which you might very well be, in spite of the fact you are smart enough not to wear one of the neck-chokers, and all the pretty women will mate furiously with the stupid tie-wearing people and leave you out in the cold with no money and the very chilly comfort of being smarter than all the people who won’t breed with you.

Other People and sex and bonding are way more important than intelligence and if there is a conflict between the two, the smart money’s always on stupidity and sex. Of course, wearing ties is just one example of a whole host of stupid human behaviors that manage to exist and survive and not prevent people from breeding.

Okay, so now it’s time for a fun interactive activity! Fun Interactive Activity: Think up ten really really really stupid things people do that get on your nerves really badly that don’t seem to stop people from breeding.

Write them down so you won’t forget them. Number them from one to ten so that you will seem very organized. Make a space between each stupid activity. Very good. Now stare at your list in total annoyance and frustration. Do this for a few seconds for effect.

Then take a sturdy writing implement and after each stupid thing people do write this phrase with bold, loud, aggressive firmness: And yet these people breed!!! If you are a devil-may-care type, write this phrase in red so it will really stand out.

This will make you feel a lot better. Do this frequently after watching the news, a notorious hang-out of stupid people who abuse their children, shoot old ladies for no reason, get drunk and drive over innocent bystanders, and so on.

The world is full of stupid, bad stuff that doesn’t stop people from breeding and it will make your brain feel much better to acknowledge the fact. When you acknowledge the twin realities, that the bad stuff is stupid, and yet people breed, it will be like something clicks inside your brain and suddenly it gets it.

The reasons for your hatred and anxiety and frustration will become clear and nicely sorted into the places in your mind that they belong. Furthermore, your brain will know the one thing it’s been longing to know all the time, which is what it’s supposed to do about this insanity, this stupidity.

Which is acknowledge it, name it, identify it, and oppose it – not wonder why the fuck it’s there. Until you acknowledge that stupid people breed and that’s basically not going to change, your brain gets overheated with frustration because it accidentally thinks there’s no reason for stupidity and it ought to magically go away without any effort on your part.

And it gets more and more frustrated when stupidity doesn’t magically go away. It will drive itself insane on this point if you let it, chasing itself around in circles like a dog after its tail, until you are exhausted, incoherent and very very grumpy.

There is a reason why your brain does this of course – and that’s because it’s stupid! Of course, there are many more exciting reasons why people are stupid than mere breeding. And since the subject of stupid people fascinates you, you will naturally want to know what they are.

Which is why you are going to click over to the next page, even though it’s a very very bad idea…..Why are there so many stupid people these days? Every day almost, someone asks me that question.

You hear something on the news about someone who did something so stupid that you just have to take your index finger and scratch the top of your head and wonder out loud, “Where are all the stupid people coming from?”

Yes, a statistical report that I just made up indicates that there is a 23% increase in truly stupid people compared to the year 1970, adjusted for inflation and global warming. So, where are all these stupid people coming from? Well, I’ve never been one to be at a loss for an answer to any question, even if I haven’t a clue what you are talking about.

It is a gift I have, to be able to provide an answer to any question regardless of any tiny details such as real facts.

This situation is no different. Even adjusting for Daylight Savings Time. I can tell you where the stupid people are coming from. Let us start with the theory of evolution, which any good liberal swears by on a stack of science books. Specifically, I am referring to one component, which is the theory that says that weak or stupid animals will be at a disadvantage in the world of survival.

For instance, let’s say there are a herd of gazelles in the jungle or plains or wherever the hell gazelles hang out. Suddenly, a giant lion with teeth like piano keys charges the herd. Under this theory, the slower running gazelles will be captured and consumed by the lion, thus preventing those gazelles from mating and passing on their slow ass DNA to other gazelles.

Thus the fitter gazelles survive and get to bonk other gazelles and pass on their fast running DNA. Another example are those stupid gazelles that lift their heads from grazing with blades of grass hanging out of the side of their mouths and wonder what the fuss is about, and why every other gazelle in the county has just blasted out of town.

This is not a slow running gazelle, but a really stupid gazelle. He gets eaten even before the slow running gazelle does. This is why every gazelle you happen to run into can easily pass the Florida high school FCAT tests while the majority of our human students can’t even spell FCAT.

While educators and liberals are very aggressive about teaching the theory of evolution in our pre-K classes all the way up to PhD courses, as a society, we do not live by that theory.

For instance, when I was a small little whipper snapper, just knee high to a palmetto bug, if I picked up an electric drill, plugged it in and attempted to clean the wax out of my ears, there would not be a warning label attached to that drill advising me against such a method of personal hygiene.

Thus, I would drill my brains out and you can forget about me ever having an opportunity to mate with another human to pass on my Stupid DNA. The only warnings we had then were on the mattress. And you can bet we left those labels alone.

Do you see where I am going with this? We now have warning signs and notices on virtually everything that is manufactured. The plastic bags that you get at the grocery store warn you to keep them away from children or stupid adults who might suddenly decide to stick one over their heads, duct tape it tight and then take a shower.

The electric cake mixer warns us to refrain from mixing cake batter in a Jacuzzi, while the warning label on your pencil asks you to not consider ramming it repeatedly into your mouth while playing basketball.

The result? Stupid people grew up and had sex, and now their stupid kids are out there, no doubt having sex too. The natural process of survival of the fittest has been short circuited by our careful society.

What can we do about this? Well, it is a long process, but if we stopped placing warning labels on everything it might help. Sure, accidents will happen, and stupid people will die. But isn’t that better than letting them drive Hummers on I-95 while drunk.

Of course, we would have to eliminate lawyers too. They are at least partially responsible for all those warning labels. For instance, there is this story about a lawyer whose four year old kid died choking on a hot dog nine years ago, and ever since she has been fighting for not only a warning label on hot dogs, but to change the shape of hot dogs.

Maybe make them round like beach balls? Besides hot dogs, foods that she thinks pose a risk of choking in young children include carrots, grapes, apples, hard candies, popcorn, peanuts and marshmallows.

Life on planet Earth is inherently dangerous. I really don’t think we need beach ball shaped hot dogs or warning labels on virtually everything under the sun.

Just my 2 cents. Which I have to be careful not to stick up my nose. I don’t know though, I don’t see any warning labels on these two pennies, so maybe it’s OK to cram them up my nostril? What do you think?

“Why Are They So Stupid? My husband and I have lived in many different places, and we have seen some pretty stupid people wherever we go… but nothing tops the morons who live in North Carolina!

We moved here just over 7 months ago… I remember how excited we were to come here. We had taken several short trips down prior to moving for a job relocation and thought the area was absolutely breathtaking. There are beautiful mountains, bountiful streams, abundant wildlife, and lots of foliage that would change colors in the Fall. Coming from Florida where everything looks the same no matter where you go, this was exciting for us!

Day One:

We drove straight through from Florida and made it to our new home in just over ten hours. The house we rented is OK from the outside, but we still haven’t gotten to see the inside since we did this all online while we were in Florida.

It’s 6am and the landlord was supposed to meet us here at 7, so we take a drive around the neighborhood. Things seem OK as far as we can tell, but now it is 8am and still no landlord… we give him a call.

” We thought you was goin to end up stoppin fer the night, so we done started our day” he said to me.

The whole time, I was trying to figure out why would a man that I never met assume what we were going to do during our trip rather than just meet us when he was supposed to?

The idiot then told me that he

” done did went”

to work already and couldn’t meet us until 5pm now!

Let’s see… We just drove all night to a place we know nothing about, and now we have to hang out for another 9 hours with no sleep! ( did I mention that I was 9 months pregnant at the time and had our 14 month old son with us).

This should have been the red flag to us right from the start. We should have just turned around and went back to the land of normal people… but we didn’t…

Things just got worse from there. We realized that no one here seems to know what a turn signal is and have to come to a complete stop before turning into a driveway or parking lot.

Even though the speed limit says 65, you will never find anyone going over 55, including in the passing lane on the interstate.

And NEVER go to a fast food restaurant and try to place an order that has more than one item.

It appears that the people here in North Carolina have no concept of multitasking. Asking them to substitute onion rings for french fries is like telling them to create gold out of water.

I can’t go to a grocery store without having to spend an hour at the customer service counter after I check out, just to get back all of the money they mis-charged me for by scanning things more than once.

If it were just one store that did this, I would just go somewhere else.. but it happens no matter where we go! Everywhere you turn in North Carolina, there are morons and idiots everywhere.

I just can’t figure out if it is something in the water or food here that kills off their brain cells, or is it a big inbreeding problem that has genetically mutated the country bumpkins in this horrible state… you be the judge!

It is a shame that such a beautiful state has some of the stupidest people I have ever seen! “