MB Civic

“The governor Rick Perry, of Texas, who, when asked if the Bible should also be taught in Spanish, replied that ‘if English was good enough for Jesus, then it’s good enough for me.”

Lord, save me from your followers!

Jewish Telegram:
“Begin worrying. Details to follow.”

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.

You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.

Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

Old ladies can eat more than you think.

You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.

There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

People who don’t drive, slam car doors too hard

You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.

Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.