[Mb-civic] Guidelines

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Guidelines for Enlightenment
by Swami Beyondananda


1.  Be a Fundamentalist--make sure the Fun always comes before the mental. 
Realize  that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A laugh 
track has  been provided, and the reason why we are put in the material world is 
to get  more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will 
ensure  regularhilarity.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a a special  gift, just for e
ntering - so you are already a winner!

3. The most  powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is 
where I tell a  vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't 
like the  programming we're getting, we can simply change the channel.

4. Life is  like photography. You use the negative to develop.

5. It is true. As we  go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought 
particles tend to get caught  between the ears, causing a condition called truth 
decay. So be sure to use  mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to 
practice tantrum yoga,  remember what we teach in Swami's Absurdiveness Training 
class: *Don't get even,  get odd.*

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments  and truly live 
like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That  way, 
there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of  us. A 
little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will  fit 
together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I know great earth  changes have been predicted for the future, so if 
you're looking to avoid  earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, 
don't dwell on  it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet  train 
the world, and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're  looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news 
and some good  news. The bad news is: there is no key to the Universe. The good 
news is: it has  been left unlocked.

10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled.  That way, if you don't 
like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment  is not a 
bureaucracy. So we don't have to go through  channels.

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