[Mb-civic] EXCELLENT, WORTH A LOOK: Jim Frey and my son - Jim Bildner - Boston Globe

[William Swiggard]

  Jim Frey and my son

By Jim Bildner  |  February 12, 2006  |  The Boston Globe

WHAT BOTH author Jim Frey and Oprah Winfrey have missed is that the real 
damage Frey has done in fabricating large parts of his book, ''A Million 
Little Pieces," has nothing to do with literature and being honest with 
one's readers. It's much worse than that.

By marginalizing the truth, Frey has marginalized the depth of the 
problem of substance abuse and addiction in our country. While many 
readers still see the book as a powerful look into one addict's life, 
too many others see themselves as being conned, once again, by an addict.

What Frey still doesn't understand is that you don't need to embellish 
the truth when it comes to addiction. The reality of the world of drugs 
is horrible enough, as are the wave of destruction and collateral damage 
it creates for the families caught in its vices. I know firsthand the 
truth of this experience because I lived it as my son battled his own 
substance abuse for the last three years of his life. He died three 
weeks before Christmas, at 21.

In justifying why he lied, Frey said in recent interviews that he needed 
to make things up because he wanted the stories in the book ''to ebb and 
flow, to have dramatic arcs, to have the tension that all great stories 
require." But those of us who have experienced the truth of addiction 
know that is just another lie. There is already plenty of drama and 
tension in addiction. I watched my son's life ''ebb and flow" for three 
years before my eyes. And while Frey, his editor, and his publisher 
continue to engage in finger-pointing, they would all be well advised to 
consider who the real victims are in this. I know one of them. She's my 
daughter.

At her brother's memorial service, she stood in front of a church full 
of friends, neighbors, and family and summoned the courage to speak on 
her brother's behalf now that his voice was silenced. Choking back 
tears, she read a passage from Frey's ''memoir" hoping the truth of his 
words would help those of us assembled to understand what so many of us 
don't -- that our son, like millions of Americans, fought every day of 
his life to make it through to the next day. That the struggle to stay 
sober is a battle without an end that is waged every minute in a 
recovering addict's life. When my daughter finished reading from ''A 
Million Little Pieces" she proclaimed her love for her brother, and 
warned us what too few realize -- that drugs are everywhere and 
addiction affects everyone, in one way or another. And she's right.

National recidivism rates are in the high 80s and climbing as street 
drugs have become purer and first-time users are being exposed at 
younger ages. It's a lethal combination that's not easy to stop or 
comfortable for most of us to talk about. That's why we're losing this war.

Well it's time to talk about it. And believe me, the subject matter 
needs no embellishing. We need to find ways to keep these drugs from 
getting into our communities and our schools. And until real change 
takes hold, we need to let every child and parent know that what 
happened to my son can happen to theirs -- it's that simple. If you're 
looking for a silver bullet, look in the mirror --right now, a parent is 
the only defense a child has from the horrors of drugs and addiction.

Our son's struggle and the struggle that others go through each day to 
stay sober and alive are pure truth. The day after his memorial service, 
I went to clean out his apartment. In one of his dresser drawers in his 
bedroom, I found a diary that he kept. One sentence after another 
recount the truth of his experience and the constant battle between his 
mind and body wanting to use and his fight to recover and be sober.

The truth of our son's diary is absolute. He didn't write it to make a 
good story or to sell more books. He wrote it to stay alive.

Frey's con doesn't just hurt himself or his publisher. It hurts all 
those who are trying desperately to survive and all of us who care for 
them by allowing so many to discount the truth that was in the book.

That's the real tragedy of this story.

Jim Bildner is chairman of The Literary Ventures Fund.

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2006/02/12/jim_frey_and_my_son/
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