[Mb-civic] I see why others choose to die - Jerry Fensterman - Boston Globe Op-Ed

[William Swiggard]

  I see why others choose to die

By Jerry Fensterman  |  January 31, 2006  |  The Boston Globe

THE US SUPREME COURT'S recent decision to let stand Oregon's law 
permitting physician-assisted suicide is sure to fuel an ongoing 
national debate. Issues of life and death are deeply felt and inspire 
great passions. It would be wonderful, and unusual, if all those joining 
the fray would do so with the humility and gravity the matter deserves.

I am approaching 50, recently remarried, and the father of a terrific 
13-year-old young man. By every measure I enjoy a wonderful life. Or at 
least I did until April 2004, when I was diagnosed with kidney cancer. 
Surgery was my only hope to prevent its spread and save my life. The 
discovery of a new lump in December 2004 after two surgeries signaled 
that metastasis was underway. My death sentence had been pronounced.

Life may be the most intense addiction on earth. From the moment I first 
heard the words ''you have cancer" and again when I was told that it was 
spreading out of control, I recognized my addiction to life almost at 
the cellular level. I have tried since then, as I did before, to live 
life to the fullest. I also committed myself to doing everything within 
my power to extend my life.

Toward that end I am participating in my third clinical trial in a year. 
I have gained some small benefit from it. I am, however, one of the 
first people with my cancer to try this drug. Its median benefit seems 
to be only on the order of three months. So my expectations are modest. 
The side effects of these drugs are significant, as are the symptoms of 
the cancer's gallop through my body. All things considered, I believe I 
have earned my merit badge for ''doing all one can in the face of death 
to stay alive."

That the experience has changed me is obvious. I have a few scars, have 
lost 50 pounds, and my hair is thinner. I rely on oxygen nearly all the 
time, can no longer perform the job I loved, and have difficulty eating. 
More profoundly, my universe has contracted. Simply leaving home has 
become an enormous task, and travel is essentially out of the question. 
I can no longer run, swim, golf, ski, and play with my son. I haven't 
yet learned how to set goals or make plans for a future that probably 
consists of weeks or months, not years. I am also nearing a point where 
I will not be able to take care of my most basic needs.

Mine has been a long, difficult, and certain march to death. Thus, I 
have had ample time to reflect on my life, get my affairs in order, say 
everything I want to the people I love, and seek rapprochement with 
friends I have hurt or lost touch with. The bad news is that my pain and 
suffering have been drawn out, the rewarding aspects of life have 
inexorably shrunk, and I have watched my condition place an increasingly 
great physical and emotional burden on the people closest to me. While 
they have cared for me with great love and selflessness, I cannot abide 
how my illness has caused them hardship, in some cases dominating their 
lives and delaying their healing.

Perhaps the biggest and most profound change I have undergone is that my 
addiction to life has been ''cured." I've kicked the habit! I now know 
how a feeling, loving, rational person could choose death over life, 
could choose to relieve his suffering as well as that of his loved ones 
a few months earlier than would happen naturally.

I am not a religious person, but I consider myself and believe I have 
proved throughout my life to be a deeply moral person. Personally I 
would not now choose physician-assisted suicide if it were available. I 
do not know if I ever would. Yet now, I understand in a manner that I 
never could have before why an enlightened society should, with 
thoughtful safeguards, allow the incurably ill to choose a merciful death.

The Supreme Court's ruling will inflame the debate over 
physician-assisted suicide. Besides adding my voice to this debate, I 
ask you to carefully search your soul before locking into any position. 
If you oppose physician-assisted suicide, first try to walk a mile in 
the shoes of those to whom you would deny this choice. For as surely as 
I'm now wearing them, they could one day just as easily be on your feet 
or those of someone you care deeply about.

Jerry Fensterman is the former director of development for Fenway 
Community Health.  

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2006/01/31/i_see_why_others_choose_to_die/
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