[Mb-civic] Outsourced (michael let me know if you get this)

[ean at sbcglobal.net]

WASHINGTON - Congress today announced that the office of 
President of
the United States of America will be outsourced to overseas 
interests as
of August 31st. The move is being made to save not only a 
significant
portion of the President's $400,000.00 yearly salary, but also a 
record
$521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings 
should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.). 
Reynolds,
with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has 
studied
outsourcing of American jobs extensively.

"We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage 
with the
current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some 
time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be 
assuming
the office of President as of October 1st. Mr. Singh was born in 
the
United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at 
Niagara
Falls, thus making him eligible for The position. He will receive 
a
salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or 
other
benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, 
when
few offices of the US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the 
American Express
call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am 
excited
about this position. I always hoped I would be President 
someday." A
Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may 
not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this 
should
not be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will
enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. 
Using this
tree, he can address common concerns without having to 
understand the
underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the Spokesperson. 
"Mr. Bush
has used them successfully for years."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary 
until his
final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, 
he will be
Eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his 
unemployment
benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of 
Manpower, Inc.
to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job 
transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in 
securing a new
position due to limited practical work experience. One possibility 
is
re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should he choose this 
option,
he would likely be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who 
gained
invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad 
Airport's
terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a 
warm
reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with 
details
of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate 
welcome.

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