[Mb-civic] Love Isn't Blind - Elinor Lipman - Boston Globe

[William Swiggard]

Love Isn't Blind
True love means always having to say, "Honey, there's a spot on your 
tie. You can't go out like that."

By Elinor Lipman  |  September 4, 2005

I've long been grateful to the nice woman who left the buffet table at a 
West Springfield restaurant to alert me to the mortifying fact that my 
skirt was tucked into the waistband of my pantyhose as I exited the 
ladies' room.

Doesn't everyone appreciate this brand of human mirrordom? Don't we all 
want a friend or a partner who, in public, can pantomime lipstick on 
teeth or fly unzipped? I remember with great fondness the boss who asked 
me with a wry smile, "New dress?" the day I came to work with a price 
tag still hanging from my armpit.

My enthusiasm for grooming frankness leads me to a fascination with 
couples that exercise none. Most memorably: a happy pair, or so it 
seemed, one child of each gender at home, who sat next to me at a dinner 
party, circa 1990. I don't recall the food or the guest list, only the 
undisturbed northeaster of dandruff resting on the husband's collar, 
evidently unnoticed, unbrushed, unscolded by his wife all night.

I asked two psychiatric professionals about this phenomenon. Was it 
delicacy? Embarrassment? Cluelessness? How does one account for the 
public wearing of toupees? For Donald Trump's comb-over?

The first explained: "It could be habituation. You get used to something 
and don't see it anymore. Also, there are dynamics within couples. If 
you're together, and you tell someone, for example, that his T-shirt is 
ripped and he smells, and he gets mad, you don't tell him anymore. It's 
probably the iceberg dynamic: You, the outsider, are seeing a moment, 
and you ask yourself, 'How could she let him come to dinner like that?' 
But you may be seeing the tip of a 20-year struggle. She's reached the 
point where she says, If he wants to embarrass himself, it's not my 
problem.'"

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/magazine/articles/2005/09/04/love_isnt_blind/
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