[Mb-civic] 10 Katrina Items Of Which Conservatives Can Be Proud by Jim Lampley

[Jef Bek]

THE HUFFINGTON POST

09.05.2005 

10 Katrina Items Of Which Conservatives Can Be Proud
 
By Jim Lampley

Karl Rove is right. The whole thing has really been a triumph of Bush
Administration management, it's just that we liberals are too blinded by our
prejudices to see it. Foolishly misguided as we are, we might have thought
the priorities would have been to constructively save lives and property
along the Gulf Coast. Distracted as we are by what we now opportunistically
call massive and tragic loss, we refuse to see the shining moments which
have emerged here for conservatives.


 1. "Must be doubly devastating on the ground." The President powerfully and
succinctly articulated the philosophy that ties rich conservatives together
in America: "Wow, real life looks like a bitch! Good thing we don't have to
touch it."

2. "I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees." Well, not
anyone you'd want to know, Mr. President. After all, they're scientists, and
therefore dangerous.

 3. "Don't buy gas unless you need it." The emergence of a comprehensive new
energy policy. Loosely translates to "Buy gas for the two SUV's and the
F-150, but consider holding off on the lawnmower for a week."

4. "You're doin' a great job, Brownie." Landmark FEMA response demonstrates
ideal background for chief executive is coddling rich horsebreeders. May
want to next put Mike Brown in charge of Social Security Administration, to
pump up argument on urgent need for reform.

 5. Validates Bush environmental policies. If the globe were being warmed,
it would dry us out, right? All that hubbub, and the stupid liberals haven't
said a word about Global Wetting. Hah!

6. No shoes amid the chaos, but new slippers for Condi. While survivors
fried their feet on the asphalt of New Orleans waiting for Federal help,
Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice shopped at Ferragamo in Manhattan. Those
poor people in New Orleans should have gone to Stanford.

 7. $500 million more for Kellogg, Brown & Root. Halliburton subsidiary gets
to begin collecting on natural disaster cleanup contract it "won" (tee-hee)
from the Naval Department. May even do some work for the money.

 8. Another happy AWOL moment for Barbara and Jenna. Bush daughters, who
have chosen to express support for their father's noble Iraq War from afar,
were again MIA. Good example for young people of America, who shouldn't let
messy compassion get in the way of profit motive.

 10. Underlines depth of commitment to Iraq. While thousands of conservative
Christians prayed for help on the Gulf Coast, their Christian-committed
administration was spending more money and attention on propping up
Shiite-dominated conservative Islamic government in Baghdad. Important for
insurgents to see we will not let the suffering of Americans at home get in
the way of spending American resources to keep fighting them.