[Mb-civic] Church Humour

[Barbara Siomos]

Thanks for this... I had a good & hearty laugh...

peace,
barbara
>From: "Alexander Harper"
><harperalexander at mail.com> 
>To: mb-civic at islandlists.com 
>Date: Mon, Jan 10, 2005, 1:41pm (EST+2)
>Subject: [Mb-civic] Church Humour
Church Humor 
Thank God for dear old church ladies with word processors. These
sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
church services:
 
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
 
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The ladies of the Church
have cast off clothing of every kind. They maybe seen in the basement on
Friday afternoon
 
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus." 
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in there
creation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
 
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
 
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.
 
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
 
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more>
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons. 

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in thechurch.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Musicwill follow. 

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?"Come early and listen to our choir practice.
 
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the deceased
person you want remembered. 
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
 
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. 

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladiesare
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. 

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
 
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.
 
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
 
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge! - Up Yours." 
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