[Mb-civic] Letter

Cheeseburger maxfury at granderiver.net
Sun Sep 5 01:36:17 PDT 2004

Re:  Letter

Ian wrote:

"How is it that so many people call themselves "Christians" - which means 
"followers of Christ" - yet fail to follow Him, or even to consider what He 
actually did and said?  Jesus' ministry was about love, peace, humility, 
compassion, forgiveness, patience, charity, selflessness and service.  I 
challenge any "Christian" to read the New Testament and find me a single 
phrase which supports "war" - much less discusses the relative "morality" 
of different wars.  It simply isn't there."

It was a Thursday night as I recall.  It was raining.  There was a 
tremendous storm outside.  Jesus, me, a few others, had just sat down to a 
fine meal, hot fresh bread, and a wonderful wine, all framed by a lovely 
setting in a country cottage with a roaring fire warming us all.  All of a 
sudden, someone farted.  Brother Bush at the end of the table flung himself 
up, pointed at Jesus and exclaimed "It was him...!!"  Brother Cheney stood 
up and exclaimed "I know it was..!!  He's a fake..!!"  Jesus calmly stared 
at them, and both their balls began to swell to the size of coconuts and 
their dicks began to shrink, and they sat down as he softly whispered to 
them "I sentence both of you jerkoffs to be chickenshit politicians in the 
future, destroy massive amounts of people, and then be remembered as the 
assholes you will always be for the rest of eternity..."  One of the other 
apostles whispered in Jesus' ear.  "Oh yeah," he added, "and die horrible 
fucking deaths..."  Then all the rest of the apostles jumped them and beat 
the living shit out of them.  They threw them outside in the mud with the 
rest of the pigs, went back to the table, and resumed their wonderful 
dinner.  Jesus spoke "Now, as I was saying before those 2 maggots 
interrupted me, Rome is not impossible to beat, all we have to do is suffer 
and die throughout the centuries and eventually Rome implodes by its own 
corruption and cruelty to the world, over and over and over..."  "But 
Jesus," one of the apostles spoke, "can't we just beat the crap out of them 
and take back the earth...?"  Jesus stared at him for a while, motioned him 
over, and whispered in his ear.  The apostle's face fell, he walked to a 
wall, picked up a piece of chalk and began writing all during the rest of 
dinner.  After dinner, he was still writing 50 times "Thou shalt not 
interrupt The Master as he is saving the world" on the wall.  The other 
apostles filed by him and one whispered to him "Jesus said it's ok, that's 
enough, you can come hang out in the back yard now with us.  He walked out 
with the rest of them.  It was just me and Jesus left there, sipping our 
wine.  He said "Ah, Cheesie me lad, the moving hand having written moves 
on..."  We both laughed at that, poured some more wine, and reminisced 
about things passed and things to come.  Suddenly he slowly pulled out a 
little leather pouch, poured out its contents on the table and asked me 
"Hey, Cheese, you got your pipe with you...?"  I handed him my pipe, he 
stuffed it full, lit it, and, well, to tell you the truth, the rest of the 
night was a little blurry....  I remember the both of us laughing our asses 
off, drinking wine, and smoking that pipe.  I finally fell asleep at the 
table.  I woke up the next morning and they were gone.  He always was a 
great kidder.  It took me 3 days to catch up to them.......

Cheeseburger II, Chapter 12, Verse 23-75



- Where has the sparrow gone now that I need its song.

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