[Mb-civic] Giving The Gift Of War

Tue Dec 14 17:00:09 PST 2004

Giving The Gift Of War

By Nicholas Turse, Tomdispatch.com
 Posted on December 13, 2004, Printed on December 14, 2004
 http://www.alternet.org/story/20727/

It's that time of year again, folks. The moment to begin the mad scramble to
fill those Xmas stockings and so time for the second annual TomDispatch list
of gifts that will make this a jolly "military-corporate complex" Xmas for
you and yours!

Yes, an entire year has passed since TomDispatch first brought you its list
of "Hot as Depleted Uranium Toys for a New Imperial Age." This year we've
got great new gift ideas from the Complex. So, if you didn't get that Abrams
tank under the tree last year and the neighbors rubbed their new Hummer in
your face (before using it to crush your puny "girlie-man" car), don't
despair. This Xmas offers a wealth of possibilities, a shot at getting all
the games, gadgets, gear, and guns the Complex has to offer.

Heroic Action Figures, Patriot Games, and Terror Toys

Last year, a mangled, bloodied son of Saddam, the Talking Uday doll, topped
the list of most wanted evil-doer toys, while "mission-accomplished" Elite
Force Aviator George W. Bush led the way for the US of A. This year, the
Herobuilders "Hero Action Figures" line has out-Udayed itself, unveiling a
plethora of new villains and American icons.

Why not buy that special little someone the weirdly muscled-up Rudy Giuliani
("America's Mayor") figure, the "Talking British Ally" Tony Blair doll, or
that Green-Zone favorite, the "Talking Bush in Baghdad" whose startled
expression perfectly matches his ill-fitting military garb. Any one of these
dolls... er, action figures should be more than a match for the
military-fatigues-wearing "Crack Head Saddam," the T-shirt clad "Captured
Saddam," or the "Dick, the American Taliban" figurine, let alone those
near-terrorists (already heading for the discard pile) like the Talking John
Kerry whose shirt might as well say "flip-flopper," the "Michael 'No' Moore"
figure which, according to the company, "makes a perfect voodoo doll or pin
cushion," or, looking forward to a hateful 2008, the  Hillary Clinton doll
found lounging sybaritically (and a bit incomprehensibly) on a couch with a
mint julep!

Okay dads, we hear you! Sure, you want to steep junior in the military
experience, but skip the dolls, right? Then you'll definitely want to invest
in the Military Role Play Set from "Manley" (I kid you not). With recent
top-brass pronouncements that U.S. forces are likely to be in Iraq for at
least the next 5-10 years, you can't start too early acclimating junior to
the desert-camo-colored play set that includes a helmet, knife, gas mask,
and a few grenades. You know he'll grin when he pulls the pin!

But how about Sally? Think she's got more in her future than mere grunthood
in our imperial army? Not to worry, this Xmas she can begin training for a
future Pentagon/corporate "revolving door" job with a game that combines all
the fun of cutthroat capitalism and ruthless militarism   Army Monopoly.
Gone are those timeless tokens, the little Scottie dog and the top hat.
Instead, try the tank and the attack helicopter! And what good would a
little green plastic house or red hotel be when that tank comes rumbling
down St. James Place? Fortunately, they too have been replaced by "custom
battalions and divisions." And while you might expect the board to be filled
with Axis-of-Evil nations ripe for a U.S. invasion, you actually send your
legions around the board capturing Army bases, the U.S. Military Academy at
West Point, and even the Pentagon.

This year it's more important than ever to rally kids 'round the flag
because it seems a bearded figure other than ol' St. Nick has been hard at
work in his Tora Bora toy shop. You guessed it: Uncle Osama! First to appear
was a toy which seemed to evoke the image of an airplane crashing into the
Twin Towers. Then came the toy cell-phone sporting an image of Osama himself
(with the word "king" above it). With direct-to-video star bin Laden
competing for a share of the holiday toy market (and a half-brother of his
hawking perfume to mom), what good parent wouldn't immediately begin
muscling up his or her kid's toy arsenal?

Video Wishes and Warrior Dreams

Jumping up a bit in age, we find that one of last year's hot gifts has
returned to this year's list by popular acclaim  Kuma Reality Games' "Kuma
War." With cable-news-style introductions by Kuma anchor Jackie Schechner
and commentary from retired Marine Major General Thomas L. Wilkerson  a
tandem so fair n' balanced they'd do Fox proud  this video game's
ripped-from the-headlines missions, updated monthly, will take your
youngsters directly into thrilling fire fights in Fallujah or right into the
"filthy warrens of Sadr city." If your boy or girl somehow made it through
2004 without "Kuma War," you're not gonna want to make that mistake twice.
After all, it might be the only chance he or she has to see American troops
and their $150 billion effort, backed by heavy armor, helicopters,
fighter-bombers, spy satellites and all sorts of high tech weaponry,
actually defeat resistance fighters using small arms and pick-up trucks.

Or why not stuff a few stockings with the recently released third season of
ABC's hit Central Intelligence Agency-themed television series "Alias" on
DVD. Too cheap to shell out the $65? Then just download the free public
service announcement on the CIA's website where the show's star Jennifer
Garner shills for the agency, burn it to a CD, and put it right under the
tree.

Are video games and DVDs not quite right(-wing enough) for your list of
giftees? Is that special someone always frothing at the mouth while watching
Fox News? Then have we got the gift for you! A "Terrorist Hunting Permit"
sticker that's perfect for any "car, truck, RV, camper or fleet." After all,
what exemplifies the holiday spirit more than making 2005 (and, according to
the sticker, every other year right up to 2050) open season on all
evil-doers?

Or how about surprising your own special "security mom," who wants to do
something more than just put a sticker on the minivan, with an upgrade on
the stickee? Especially since the Army and the International Truck and
Engine Corporation have already ridden to the rescue. While it won't have
the Kevlar armor or night-vision equipment of the military model, the new
civilian version of the 8000 lb. SmarTruck III will blow away any
terrorist's puny 5000 lb. Hummer H2, not to speak of the pathetically wimpy
4100 lb. Jeep Liberty. Of course, what satisfying solution doesn't also
create new problems? So you're gonna need to get one industrial-sized tree
to park this bad-boy beneath.

And lest we forget about Dad, here's a lovely possibility for the man who
has more socks than any drawer will allow  an annual membership to the
Kabul Golf Club, located in the beautiful, artfully unreconstructed suburbs
of Afghanistan's capital. Recently reopened, after being cleared of land
mines (and the remains of a few old Soviet tanks), KGC may lack certain
typical golfing amenities  many of its "greens" are just oily sand  but
how many PGA courses boast a bombed-out army barracks or
Kalashnikov-carrying caddies? With Afghanistan competitively teetering
between being the world's most-failed state and the globe's leading
narco-state success, it's not surprising that the annual membership is
within your reach! For a mere 7,500 Afghanis ($160) it's a bargain as long
as they can keep the Improvised Explosive Devices off the fairways.

Global Giving  It Feels So Good!

 When it comes to the Pentagon, generosity is an eternal byword and
Christmas giving an all-year-round activity  as well as something even
those who don't celebrate the holiday can still cash in on. Take Israel. As
it happens, the Sharonistas evidently jumped the gun and wrote their first
letter to Santa as spring was ending. On June 1, the U.S. Defense Security
Cooperation Agency "notified Congress of a possible Foreign Military Sale to
Israel of Joint Direct Attack Munitions [JDAMs] as well as associated
equipment and services." With a total value that could reach as high as $319
million, its unclear exactly who will receive the bigger gift  Israel or
the jolly elves slated to fulfill the order: the McDonnell Douglas
Corporation (a subsidiary of Boeing); Alliant Techsystems; Lockheed-Martin;
Northrop Grumman; and the Honeywell Corporation.

In addition to "smart" weapons technologies and fuse components, the Israeli
request included such spirit-of-the-season gifts as:

2,500 MK-84 live bombs  a general purpose 2000 lb. bomb
 1,500 MK-82 live bombs  a 500 lb. general purpose blast/fragmentation bomb
 500 BLU-109 live bombs  a 2000 lb. penetrator and blast/fragmentation bomb
 500 MK-83 live bombs  a general purpose 1000 lb. bomb.

In this seasonal spirit Israel has been far from alone. The American
military-corporate complex has gotten a flood of letters from all the good
little nations of the world. While Johnny may want Kuma War and Sally, Army
Monopoly, the government of Canada asked to be allowed to buy "2,000 Radio
Frequency (RF) TOW-2A and 600 RF TOW-2B Anti-Armor Guided Missiles, [and]
400 RF Bunker Buster Missiles" from Raytheon. Turkey requested a modest 225
AIM-9X SIDEWINDER Missiles (also from Raytheon); while Brazil asked Uncle
Sam to bless its request to Sikorsky Aircraft and General Electric for 10
UH-60L BLACK HAWK helicopters, along with 22 7.62mm M134 Mini guns and other
accoutrements, for an estimated $250 million.

The holiday wish list most in the spirit of the season, however, has got to
be Hungary's. Back in October, CUBIC Defense Applications Inc. of San Diego,
California, through the U.S. Naval Air Systems Command, Training Systems
Division, was awarded a $7.7 million contract for a "Combined Hungarian
Range Instrumentation and Simulation Training Multiple Integrated Laser
Engagement System"  a laser-tag-like set-up for Hungarian military training
exercises. The jolly acronym for this project is wholly in the spirit of the
season: CHRISTMS!

The Ghost of Christmas Future

Still, make no mistake, no one can beat the U.S. military when it comes to
wish lists! Theirs are routinely written for Xmas mornings many years ahead.
So what are America's Armed Forces asking Santa to deliver on Xmas morning
2008 and beyond? Let's take a look at just a few of the literally hundreds
of wish-list projects dancing in the heads of our top military command and
their arms-dealing counterparts who make up the military-corporate complex.

The Army is hopeful that by Xmas morning 2008, Lockheed Martin will have
delivered its Loitering Attack Missile (LAM)  "an expendable loitering,
hunter-killer" missile that sprouts wings after take-off and then flies over
an area for up to 45 minutes waiting for a target to present itself for
total destruction. How nice it will be for them to have a sweet LAM baa-ing
under the tree in just a few short years! And, not wanting to be left out in
the cold, the Air Force plans to take delivery that very same year of its
F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, and the Navy to deploy the first of its DD-21
Zumwalt-class Land Attack Destroyers  a "multi-mission destroyer tailored
to maritime dominance and land attack missions."

The Navy hopes to have electromagnetic rail guns under the Xmas tree by
2010. As you might guess, a "rail gun" isn't exactly a Daisy BB rifle.
Instead, imagine a gunpowder-less "gun" that uses electromagnetic propulsion
to fire a projectile capable of reaching a speed of 13,000 miles per hour in
0.2 seconds. The Navy yearns for this futuristic super-weapon, primarily
because it raises sugar-plum-like dreams of potentially "extremely lethal
effects."

The Marine Corps is hoping Santa Claus will be coming to town with a full
component of Advanced Amphibious Assault Vehicles (AAAVs), armed with both
Bushmaster II 30 mm cannons and M240 Machine Guns, sometime between 2012 and
2014. And Santa better mind his appointed flight path because the Air Force
could possibly have a brand new FB-22 Fighter Bomber in the skies as early
as 2013. Only two years later, if the elves cut down on their coffee breaks,
the Marine Corps hopes its very own electromagnetic wish will come true,
allowing them to field a Marine-Corps-made rail gun mountable on a
Marine-Corps-only tank.

Meanwhile, in the post 2015-era, the Air Force is dreaming of Air-Launched
Anti-Satellite Missiles that will blow low-Earth-orbiting objects out of the
skies. And by Xmas 2037, the Air Force, already worried that their dear old
bomber inventory may fall below desired levels, is briefing Santa on a
proposed B-3 Long Range Strike Platform  a futuristic fighter-bomber
project projected to cost $35 billion in R&D alone. Meanwhile, at yet to be
determined times in the future, DARPA projects like the MAgneto Hydrodynamic
Explosive Munition (MAHEM), which promises "...the potential for aimable,
multiple warheads with... increased lethality and kill precision," and the
High Energy Liquid Laser Area Defense System (HELLADS), a program to develop
a high-energy laser weapon system, are also likely to found, wrapped in
giant bows, under the military Xmas tree.

Make It a Merry Military-Corporate Xmas

While you obviously can't ante up for 2000 lb. bombs like Israel or shell
out the $35 billion needed for a future customized weapons system, you can
still do your part to make this Xmas a merry one for the military-corporate
complex. And don't think you necessarily need to buy military-engineered
video games, women's black"Standard-Issue Assault Shoes," designed for the
Special Forces by sunglasses-manufacturer Oakley, or an officially licensed
U.S. Army pocket calculator  although it sure helps! You can simply buy
run-of-the-mill products made by Department of Defense contractors. And
don't worry, no effort will be involved. Chances are such gifts are already
on your list or waiting beneath the tree.

So, on Xmas day, after you've unwrapped some of our recommended gifts, or
more standard fare like that new DVD player from General Electric (the 8th
largest DoD contractor which brought "good things to life" for the military
last year to the tune of $2.8 billion), a new Xbox videogame system (from
DoD contractor Microsoft); a high-tech Roomba Discovery SE robot vacuum
cleaner (from iRobot which sells "pack-bots" to the military and has
partnered with DARPA to make swarming mini-robots), a new cell phone from
Motorola (which raked in more than 283 million Pentagon dollars last year),
or any gift sealed with Scotch tape (made by 3M which has been working on
weapons systems like the Army's OH-58 Kiowa helicopter), and after you've
polished off that Butterball turkey or Cook's brand Ham (both from DoD
contractor ConAgra Foods) and those Pillsbury Xmas cookies (from DoD
contractor General Mills), you can sit back and relax with the knowledge
that the military-corporate complex is having another happy holiday  or you
and your friends can gather around a roaring fire (or the glow of the new
plasma TV) and sing this little ditty to the tune of "Let It Snow":

Oh, the war in Iraq is frightful,

But for Lockheed and pals it's delightful,
 Since the Pentagon continues to pay,
 Let 'em stay, let 'em stay, let 'em stay.

Insurgents show no signs of stopping,
 Americans can't stop AK's from popping,
 Since it keeps Boeing's prices high,
 occupy, occupy, occupy.

When there's a bombing or firefight,

It means moo-lah galore for GE,

And ev'ry IED laid at night,

means they're buyin' a brand new Humvee

As long as some Black Hawks keep crash'in,
 The Complex can really cash in,

More war equals much more dough,

Let's not go, never go, let's not go.