[Mb-civic] Outsourcing the Presidency

[Reeeees at aol.com]

Outsourcing the Presidency

Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the 
United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th, the 
end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, 
a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead. 
 
"The cost savings will be quite significant," says Congressman Adam Smith (D 
Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office) has studied 
outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford 
this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage," Congressman 
Smith said. 
 
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his 
position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of 
employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be 
eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. 
Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage 
as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit. 
 
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji 
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the Office of 
President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United 
States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible 
for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 ($S$) a month but with no 
health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US 
and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US 
Government will be open. 
 
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive 
interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express 
call center. I always knew I could be President someday." 
 
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully 
aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional 
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will 
allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson further noted 
that "additional savings will be realized as 
these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and will enable 
Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue 
itself." 
 
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write a 
resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, 
Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new 
position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited. A 
recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him 
as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army National Guard. There he would 
be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited 
briefly before. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions 
there," stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his first 
visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop. 
 
Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis say 
Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from them. Such sources 
stated the Iraqis only request would be to be informed of which convoy he would 
be riding in order to give him the welcome he deserves. 
 
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that 
of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
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